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I think I need a new smile. I came up with a good one in the late 90s. Pictures turned out great; strange old women would pinch my cheeks--homeless men threw money at me, but not anymore. Either I lost it or the shape of my face changed cause I haven't taken a good picture in a few years.

Yesterday at work, I decided it was time to get around to having my ID badge made. Sure, I've been with my employer for a while now--but I never felt the need or urge to actually having an ID that said I worked there (I guess it was always cause I figured they'd end up firing me before the badge even gets printed).

"Hey guy, you wanna smile," our graphic designer asked me after taking a couple pictures.

I let out a toothy grin; trying to find the smile that worked so well for me during the Clinton administration.

"Stop smiling! Go Back! Go back," the cameraman shouted emphatically. Later on, I had to pick from an array of photos so frightful they would make a young child cry.

Hideous.

I know everyone claims their driver's license photo is hideous, but you should see the doozie I got in April. I'm really annoyed at the DMV clerk for not giving me an opportunity to reshoot it. She had to have seen the picture--I look like I'm trying to squeeze a watermelon out of my rectum. Six to eight weeks later when my license arrived in the mail, I was horrified to see the picture. I actually consider booking a DMV appoint to redo the photo. I planned for this photo. I got my hairs cut a day before hand. I spent hours shaping and shaving before my trip to the DMV. I've had wonderful results with DMV photos in the past--the picture I took when I was 16 was the second best photo I ever had. But this latest one was repulsive--all due to my lackluster (and forced) smile.

So...I think I need a new smile. If anyone has any tips as to howda get one, lemme know.

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2006