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My cousin Frankie has two different color eyes. When he was a kid, he found a rusted dart in the gutter. Needless to say, six-year old boys and rusty darts do not go hand in hand. But my cousin got lucky and found an "eye donor." I didn't understand it when I was a kid: I mean, what kinda person donates an eye? It's not like donating extra clothes to church: you need your eyes and to the best of my recollection, I've never came across anyone with an extra eye lying around they didn't use. Yadda yadda yadda, it's 20 years later and Frankie has one green eye and one brown eye.

Here's a brief tale (or bitchfest as some call it). Around 8:30, Saturday night I went to a grocery store in search of milk and Doritos (don't worry; I didn't plan on eating both at the same time). I visited the local Albertsons and there was a line to the cashier that stretched halfway down an aisle. This is SoCal and there's like a grocery store at every corner, so I saw no need to wait at that store just to pay for food.

I went down the street to a Food4Less. I grabbed my Doritos, a couple gallons of milk and headed to the check out stand. I noticed that had a sale on my favourite brand of vodka, so I bought two bottles. And just cause I was out, I picked up a bottle of wine. Now imagine my horror when I saw a line that stretched eight people deep--eight! What's up with that? Who ever heard of lines at the grocery store during prime time television hour? On a Saturday?

At this point, I was too tired to leave--plus I really needed that milk (waffles without milk is like sex without a woman: technically it can be done but it's just not as fulfilling). I waited in line for 18 minutes--I hate lines and have little to no patience for lines (closer to "no" patience than "little"): Disneyland is like my own personal version of hell. On top of that, I ended up spending 42 bucks when all I was seeking were milk and Doritos. Man, I hate the grocery store...

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