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The greatest prank I ever pulled is not just great in my realm--it ranks as one of the greatest pranks mankind has ever witnessed. It probably ranks slightly ahead of the time Bart asked Moe for Amanda Hugginkis but below the time Christopher Walken pranked a Stiffy Stifferson with a tire iron.

I'm not a big fan of commencement ceremonies. Even back in high school I thought it was one of the lame traditions in our society. If I wanted to wear a funny hat and oversized gown, I'd spend more time with my cross-dressing uncle at the Blue Oyster bar. Eventually when I graduated from Crap State, I elected not to walk; opting to watch the series finale of "Dawson's Creek" instead.

But that same year, my brother Fredo was graduating from USC film school and was planning to walk. Not only was he looking forward to it, he made a big deal about it and insisted that everyone in my family had to come to his graduation. I was a little annoyed (I didn't go to my own graduation but had to go to his?), but since it was on a Saturday and there's nothing good on TV Saturday, I couldn't come up with a good excuse not to attended. Besides, my mom offered to buy me dinner afterwards.

My family and I went to Fredo's apartment before the ceremonies. My brother was wearing his cap and gown and my mother repeatedly expressed how proud she was of him--like graduating from USC is that hard to do.

"Hey what's this," I said when I saw another cap and gown lying on the couch.

My brother said it was his roommate's. Since USC is such a large school, the different departments held their graduation ceremonies at different times. The roommate majored in dental hygiene and had graduated earlier in the day.

Sensing a moment, I quickly put on the cap and gown and told my mother she could take my picture. "If anyone asks, we can say I wore it at my graduation ceremony." We all had a good laugh about this and numerous photos were taken.

I don't know who brought it up first, but we started joking about how much easier it could be if I could walk and have my graduation ceremony at the same time as my brother (killing two fictional birds with one fictional stone). Since Fredo had already witnessed his roommates' ceremonies, he had the inside scope and quickly hatched a scheme.

Now, I haven't been to many graduation ceremonies but every one I've witnessed went the same exact way. Every student has his name called out. Every student walks across the stage and receives a fake diploma...but it's really not as organized and coordinated as people may think. Because of the sheer number of graduates, it's impossible just to have a "list" of students who are gradating. Some students won't walk (such as me); some students fail; and some students are just too hung over to participate.

Instead, there's a time-tested process used when students walk across the stage and receive their diplomas. All students are required to fill out a card with their name, major, and any acclamations. The card is handed to the PA right before the student walks across the stage. The PA then reads the card over a loud speaker so the student gets his due recognition.

It's a real easy party to crash as long as you dress the part...

Armed with cap and gown, I went with my brother to the graduation ceremony. I was granted special access to the graduate entrance because, well, I was wearing a cap and gown and therefore must be graduating. Because quite a few of my brother's friends knew me (good'ol 'SC drinking parties), we all had a good laugh about what was going on. There was a girl or two who expressed their displeasure--the paranoid type that started freaking out because I "might get arrested." But I'd say about a dozen or so people were in on it--and thought it was a hoot.

"Only Fredo or his brother would do something like this."

We sat through an endless number of those boring ceremony speeches. Those things were such a drag I felt like it was killing all the thrill of what was about to happen. But I got a second wind when I started to hear the whispers--those who didn't know me were wondering who I was.

Eventually we got to the main event. I filled out my card--even claimed magna cum laude (I figured I earned it). My brother went first. He walked across the stage, they announced his name and he received his diploma. Then I heard it. "Sik Nerd, film production. Magna cum laude."

It's tremendously rewarding to hear your name announced at a USC graduation ceremony--even if you've never enrolled in a single course or seen the inside of a classroom. I might not have worked as hard as everyone else, but that didn't stop me from feeling proud. Relishing the moment, I walked across the stage and shook the dean's hand.

"Thank you sir, I can't tell you how much of an honor this is," I said to him.

"I couldn't be more proud of you, son--you earned it."

At the middle of the stage was my brother. We threw up our hands and gave each other high fives like you'd see in a bad 80s action movie.

"We did it" I screamed.

After the ceremony, there was like a post-graduation party. Not one of those drunken keggers at a frat house--this was a college-sanctioned event. Parents were invited; cookies and juice were served. It was a chance to say goodbye to your classmates for the last time--and for parents, to bask in the glory of having their child graduate from USC.

I mingled with strangers I had never seen before, talking about what an arduous journey we just completed. I promised some people that we had to keep in touch and we should never forget the good times we shared. I had parents of people I didn't know hugging me and telling me how proud they were. I never felt so important for accomplishing so little--kinda like Paris Hilton.

But that's not the end of this tale--no, this was the prank that kept on giving. A few weeks later I started receiving mail from USC addressed to me. I guess USC held on to those cards that were submitted. And why wouldn't they--it was a list of students who recently graduated. I got invites to graduate-only events. I was kept abreast of relevant USC news. But the coup de coup was when I received my invite to join the USC Alumni Association.

And that, my friend, is the greatest prank ever pulled.

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2006