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Has there ever been a more improperly named character than the Lone Ranger? With a name like the "Lone" Ranger you would think he would battle evil entirely on his own--but that wasn't the case. If anything, he was the Co-Dependant Ranger because everyone knew about his trusty sidekick, Tonto. I know it was like the 19th century and all and injuns only counted as a half of man but come on. Between Tonto, the Ranger, and Silver, I think that entourage is big enough to ditch the "lone" moniker.

In other news, I might hafta serve jury duty in few weeks. Previous times when I received a jury notice, I never opened it. See, I didn't know for sure it was jury duty notice and "assumed" it was junk mail. By throwing it away and never actually seeing the jury duty notice, I can honestly say I never knew I had jury duty and can't be held responsible. That's right--place all blame on the inefficiency of the post office.

In the past I avoided jury duty because, well, it sucked and I had better things to do. If I actually ended up on a trial it'd be a different story. The problem is educated folks never end up on a jury trial (defense attorneys always strike them). I did go to jury duty once--I sat around all day with nothing to do. And when you're young and cool you always have better thing to do than sit around doing nothing.

But now that I have a job, all that has changed. I don't have anything better to do. If I wasn't working, I'd be sitting around my house with nothing to do. If anything, it now makes sense to show up to jury duty, sit around and do nothing while getting paid by my employer. Like I said when I was an unemployed gambling addict, "it sure beats working."

One time I did serve a jury duty notice--sort of. It was about two weeks after my 18th birthday when I found it in the mail. It said it right on the envelope: "jury duty notice, Sik Nerd." I couldn't believe my luck. I had just turned 18 a few weeks back and already they wanted me to do my civic duty. It didn't seem fair for me or the defendant of whatever trial I might be on: a month ago I was serving detention and now I could possibly be determining someone's fate.

Not sure what to expect, I followed their instructions to a T. It said to dress nice; I dug out a dress shirt and tie I only wore for job interviews and bail hearings. It said to show up promptly without any electronics of any kind; I got there early and left my Game Boy at home.

I sat around for most of the day reading and longing for the days of detention (at least there I could bring my Game Boy). I felt like an idiot for following their instructions. Out of a room with 300 plus people, I was easily the best dressed (and lemme tellya--that doesn't happen often). Some people brought laptops or CD players. I even groaned when I saw a soccer mom playing Tetris on a Game Boy.

I got lucky because at least I did get to see the inside of a courtroom. I even got called to the jury box. But the prosecutor quickly eliminated me. It was a drug case and since I was young 'un I clearly spent time smoking the wacky tobacky. It's a shame he got rid of me: I was ready to convict when I heard the defense attorney's excuse (not all drug paraphernalia is used for drugs: some people consider it decoration).

Anywhos, when I got sent back to the big room with nothing to do, I started chitchatting with the clerk--mainly out of boredom. I told her that it seemed awfully off for me to receive a jury duty notice a few weeks or so after I turned 18. She told me that was impossible because jurors are selected by voter registration. Since I hadn't registered yet (there's some sorta whacky law about having to be older than 18 to vote), there was no way I should be in their system. She took my paperwork and looked me up in the system.

"Are you 44-years old?"

"Do I look 44-years old," I asked.*

"According to this, you're 44-years old."

"I will be in about 26 years," I offered. Who knew: maybe her computer was part time machine.

She continued her inquistion. "Do you have a wife named Chiquita Banana?"

"No--but my dad does."

And that's when I put it all together. Even thought my dad had packed up and left the state life four years prior, he was still in their system. The jury duty notice wasn't for Sik Nerd Jr.--it was for Sik Nerd Sr. (version 1.0). See, even though I share my father's name, I never thought of myself as a junior. Even today, I still don't. I suppose technically my legal name is Sik Nerd Jr.--but I sure as hell never wrote it down that way. Think I possess only two documents that have junior on them: my driver's license and passport (and the only reason they have junior on them is because they names were copied of my birth certificate--oops, I guess that makes three documents).

When I explained to the clerk who their file was on, she gave me permission to go. She said that it's illegal to serve someone else's jury duty notice. I tried to convince her that since my father didn't show up for his jury duty notice she oughta put a warrant out for his arrest. Alas, she didn't see it that way.

The way I see it, I spent about six hours serving jury duty notice that wasn't mine. Because of that, I earned some credit and should be entitled to ditching jury duty a few times. But that was back when I had a life. Now it's time to do my civic duty and I couldn't be any prouder.

That and jury duty pays $40 a day.

* no one answer that.

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