siknerd.com - Home of the World Famous iRANT

A friend asked me if I got my tattoo the other day. I don't know what sparked that question--I don't recall ever commenting to her that I wanted a tattoo. I used to tell folks if I ever had to get a tattoo, I wanted it to say "Andy" across the bottom of my foot--but I'd only do that because it's funny.

I think tattoos are gross. This is nothing new to anyone who has spoken to me. No matter what any chik says, they're not cute, pretty, or exquisite--they're just gross. I used to have a steadfast rule about not dating anyone with a tattoo (yes, I found them that gross). Unfortunately, given the few number of chiks who actually hit on me, I've learned to soften my stance. Between the elderly, the single moms, the smokers, drug-users, and mentally insane, having a little ink done is the least of my concerns. But they're still gross--especially when a girl gets a tattoo on her chest. I don't quite understand that. Why would anyone ruin something as beautiful and elegant as a boob by getting some ex-con to permanently deface it with a feeble attempt at art? It just seems like a waste of a perfectly good boob.

I've often felt that good-looking girls are a dime a dozen. Everywhere I look, I see hot chiks and I really never understood the stupidity behind men and the things they do for an attractive woman. Why put that much effort into one girl when you could easily move on to her friend, sister, or--in some cases--her mother?

Always one to stride for self-improvement, I've been wondering lately if my perception is wrong--like maybe I've become numb to hot chiks because I am surrounded by them. I reside in a town that likes to refer to itself as "Surf City, USA" and bathing suits aren't just summer wear. Skin-tight, skimpy clothing is a way of life in SoCal (I see more skin than a dermatologist). Hollywood isn't more than an hour away. Everyone around here has fake boobs and a cosmetic kit that requires fork lift to move. While all of these traits come standard in your Southern California girl, it's probably not the norm elsewhere in the world.

I have a friend who has visited far-off exotic lands such as Cleveland and Barstow. He said hot chiks there are a total rarity--nowhere near like it is in SoCal. One time he was throwing a bachelor party had to import a stripper from two hours away because his Oregon town didn't have any local dancers (that alone baffled me: many SoCal girls are willing to take off their tops just to hear guys cheer). While his cronies howled and hooted at the site of a naked woman, my friend was highly disappointed with his purchase ("She wasn't even that hot").

So I got to thinking and maybe he's right: I have been spoiled living in Orange County. Maybe I've become numb to good-looking girls because ugliness is simply not allowed in SoCal. With all our beaches, gyms, and aspiring actors, attractive people is something expected--no, demanded--from Orange County residents.

I get emails from gals all over the country who say I'm hot--some of which aren't even porn sites. I can tell you based on my dating track record most Orange County girls would disagree with that (at least the sober ones would). Most of these emails are from Podunk, Montana and Hillbilly, Arkansas--and these gals wouldn't even be considered average in SoCal (chiks who look like that are often mocked and forced to die alone in either a monastery or with a house full of cats).

Beauty is relative and in SoCal, the expectations must be higher than the rest of the world. The people I see on TV look just like the folks I'd bump into at the grocery store. Many soccer moms look like they could be cast members of "Desperate Housewives." We don't have ugly people in SoCal (and we certainly don't have women with less than C cups). I'm not saying it's a good thing or something I'm proud of--it's just a way of SoCal life.

Older iRANT

Newer iRANT