siknerd.com - Home of the World Famous iRANT

This is the last day in a three-part adventure I had with my credit card. Each one was written the day of the incident, which is why I went from being mildly amused to angry to wanting to kill someone.

There is a dark cloud that hangs over my life, screwing me every way it can. I like to believe I'm cursed. Not that I like believing it (I don't like anything about it)--I just can't figure it out. I've managed to get every single paperwork error, computer glitch, or screw-up imaginable. Like the time in high school when (thanks to a paperwork error) I accidentally got enrolled in girl's tennis. Or like that time a Cal State Long Beach where I graduated two years after completing my coursework because someone forgot to verify I was a student. It's just weird--and yet it always happens to me.

My credit card has seriously been screwing with me lately. From failed online purchases to dealing with unscrupulous merchants like Wal-Mart, I've had nothing but headaches and hassles over the past couple weeks. I tried to use my card twice since Thursday's incident and both times my card was declined.

Today I went to the DMV to register my car. Anticipating a problem with the card, I called up Big Stupid Credit Bank while waiting in line hoping to get pre-approval on my purchase (how sad is that: I've come to the point where I need to call my bank with every purchase). By now I'm a pro. I've got my card number memorized, know how to get directly to the security division, and am on a first name basis with most of the staff.

After waiting on hold for seven minutes (seven minutes I'll never get back), I got to talk to an operator. He asked an assortment of security-related questions including one I've never heard before. "Sir, can you tell me the other banks you have credit cards with?"

"Are you serious," I asked. "I've got dozens of credit cards--how am I supposed to know all of them off the top of my head?"

See, I'm one of those guys who loves free stuff. A lot of times at ballgames or college campuses, banks give you free stuff just for applying for a card. Shirts, hats, toilet seats--you name, I've got it. I can't resist. It's not like I hafta use the card--I cut it up as soon as a get it (I rarely even bother activating it). It's a win-win situation: the person collecting applications gets paid and I get a closet full of useless crap.

"Well, let's see," I said. " Big Stupid Credit Bank--obviously. Discover. Bank of America. Can you think of any other banks? Chase. I might have two or three American Express cards. I'm sure I've gotta have a Citibank. This is a ridiculous question--how am I supposed to name every credit card I have?"

The operator was not satisfied with my answer. "Sir, this is going to require security clearance from someone higher than me: is there a number we can call you back at?" Since I was standing in line at the DMV and not home, I gave him my cell number. "Thank you Mr. Nerd. Someone will call you with in a few minutes."

A few minutes came and went. Before I knew it, I had my registration paid for and the DMV was a distant memory (when things are faster at the DMV than your credit card company, it's time to find a new bank). Two hours later, I notice Big Stupid Credit Bank hadn't called me back yet. Since I'm always looking for something to do other than housekeeping, I decided to call them.

I did my little operator dance and got a hold of a representative who informed me that my card was canceled because someone made fraudulent charges to the account. He listed off the three most recent charges: Best Buy, Food4less, and Wal-Mart.

"But I made those purchases," I said angrily. The only fraudulent activity on my card was the outrageous price Food4Less charged me for a pound of roast beef.

Now the operator was just as confused as I was. According to his computer, a few days ago someone called to report the card as stolen. I'll admit, I don't know a lot about this identity theft thing, but I'm fairly certain that if you're gonna steal someone's identity you don't go around closing their credit card accounts. That's gotta be the world's dumbest--or nicest--crook (or further proof my identity isn't worth stealing).

After 20 minutes of screaming (mainly from me: some from my neighbor asking me to quiet down), I think I've finally figured out what happened and the situation has gotten resolved. During one of my phone calls to get authorization, someone offered to send me a new card with a new expiration date. What they didn't tell me is that my current card would be deactivated (of course, that only explains why my card hasn't worked since Saturday--all those previous problems are still a mystery).

When he sent me a new card, the operator reported my old card as stolen. I don't know if it was human error or his idea of a joke, but that's just the sorta thing that always happens to me. The kinda thing that can make a guy go nuts--leaving me miffed.

This thing has caused me nothing but headaches. I was pissed at the computer that started flagging my purchases in the first place. Pissed at the guy who closed my account. Pissed at the difficultly to settle this problem. And pissed at the guy who said he was going to call me back and never did (why does that make me sound like a scorned lover?). I wasn't going to let them off the hook that easily

"Why did someone ask for my phone number and promise to call me right back," I demanded to know. I hate waiting on people--that's how things slip through the cracks.

And folks, this is where it gets really good. Since I was unable to answer their "what banks do you have credit cards with" question and since the phone number I gave them wasn't my listed home number, my account got forwarded to the fraud division. The person I spoke to assumed I wasn't me and put the wheels in motion to have to have me arrested. I know the banks are cracking down on fraud, but I've never heard of anyone being accused of stealing their own identity. At least that's what coulda happened to me if I didn't nip this in the bud when I did.

And that's why I'm cursed. Who else could something like this possibly happen to but me? I'm a little anger and a lot annoyed--but I'm not the slightest bit shocked. These are just the sorta things that happen to me and only me. I don't what I did in a previous life, but I must've done some awful stuff to get this kinda karma.

Older iRANT

Newer iRANT