I had a personally satisfying weekend because I cleaned up my house. While it's not interesting and nowhere near the definition of fun, I was satisfied because I can finally see my floor. For about a month I've been juggling a few different projects but haven't finished any of them--the result of which was a floor cover in computer parts, audio cables, and small African baby (which I hope to sell to Angelina Jolie).

While my collection of stuff wasn't unsanitary or harmful to one's health (unless you count the inevitable fall when walking around in the dark), it certainly wasn't pleasant to the eye. All week long I wouldn't allow anyone into my house because I didn't want people to think I was a slob. Drinking buddies were forced to stay home sober. Slutty girls were denied the pleasure of knowing me intimately. I've even been forced to cope with a busted toilet because I didn't want anyone to come inside my home to fix it (coincidently, my garden appears to be extra fertile lately).

This nightmare shall soon come to an end. I still gotta vacuum and dust--but at least I don't hafta worry about my kitchen being mistaken for a scrap yard.

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I once did tech work for a computer store. People would come in with their busted computers and we'd fix them. The guy I worked with was a little on the shady side, so naturally I looked up to him. One of his favorite things to do was to look through someone's computer and see what kinda porn they had saved on their hard drive.

"You can tell a lot about a person based on the porn they like," he told me.

I suppose he was right. There are all sorts of porn and all sorts of people. The kind of porn they were into represented who they really were. Every guy claims to like big knockers and cheerleaders. But alone, in the privacy of their PC, that's where you get to someone's core--especially when a computer has man-on-man action.

But of all the porn to be found on a computer, the true treasures were amateur pictures--when people made their own. Couples having fun with digital cameras--those were truly one-of-a-kind photos. Stuff you literally couldn't find anywhere else.

Unfortunately, people didn't realize those private moments weren't as private as they thought. A guy would take sexy pictures of his wife and think it was discreet and safe. In this digital age, it's so easy--you never have to take them to get developed. All you gotta do is save them on your computer and your privacy is protected. But security is always breached anytime your computer gets in the hands of anyone else. My shady coworker would always copy any of the files that had attractive women in them for his own "personal" collection.

I remember one incident in particular. This old guy dropped off his computer that had a virus in it. After getting it cleaned up, my coworker started browsing through the computer and found some--how shall I describe this--very intimate photos of the old man and a 20-year old bombshell. This chik was smoking hot--hot enough that we were able to ignore the old man with her.

When we called him up, he said he was too busy to pick up his computer but he'd send his wife in to pick it up. My coworker and I were happy to hear that. Seeing her in the flesh would be a real treat after seeing her flesh. Neither one of us took a lunch break that day in fear of missing out on the bombshell.

Eventually a woman came in asking for the computer. My coworker and I couldn't believe our eyes. This broad had to be as old as he was.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but I can only release the computer to Mr. Viejo's wife," I told her.

"But I am his wife," she insisted.

After she proved to be who she really was, I let her leave with the computer. My coworker and I were hungry and disappointed. If that hag was the old man's wife, who was the bombshell he was banging in those pictures?

© 2007 siknerd.com