I am currently watching "The Natural," a movie regarded by many critics to be the greatest baseball movie ever made. About 80 minutes into the movie, I have come to the conclusion that "The Natural" is the only baseball movie these critics have ever seen.

It's awful. Terrible. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to laugh or cry. The movie is filled with every sports movie cliché you can think of. Granted, the movie is like 20 years old and many of those clichés may have come from this movie, but any baseball fan would quickly disregard this movie as a joke. There's not the slightest bit of truth or baseball realism in it. A typical ball player needs to replace his bat once or twice a week. But Roy Hobbs has a "magic" bat that never breaks or chips. It's a joke.

And the part where the right fielder dies from crashing through the outfield wall...was that supposed to be funny? I hope it was supposed to be funny 'cause I found myself laughing at it. The only thing missing was a Bugs Bunny-esque silhouette hole in the wall he ran through.

I'm not sure if I can finish watching this movie--it's so boring. This is why I stopped watching movies: they suck arse.

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"I have two major problems," The Girlfriend said to me immediately as I walked into her apartment.

I wasn't looking forward to "major problems." Over the last 30 days she has had an uncle die, a grandfather diagnosed with leukemia, a stalker ex-boyfriend, her parents got fired and evicted from the home they lived in for the past 21 years, all while she moved into her very first apartment.

"Now what," I asked.

She must've seen the dejection on my face. "Actually it's one minor problem and one major problem," she clarified, lightening the load. "That's the minor problem." She pointed to a spider sitting on her ceiling. She turned her attention to a larger spider on the other side of the room. "And that's the major problem."

After I squashed the uninvited guest and flushed them down the toilet, I got to thinking: it's amazing how much women freak out over insects. I've seen chiks howl and climb on top of desks at the mere sight of bug. They don't seem to fear muggers, drunk drivers, or the republican party anywhere near as much as a six-legged critter (or in this case, eight).

I agree that bugs can be a little creepy. And to be completely honest, when one touches my skin I'm a little squeamish too. But I don't fear for my life and lock myself in the bathroom when a junebug crosses my path.

I don't mean to judge, but the reaction some women have to insects if dumbfounding. It's just a little critter. The majority of them can't bite or harm in anyway. All it takes is a decent amount of tissue paper and a flushable toilet to make them go away. Sure they're disgusting and creepy--but that's no reason act like it's the end of the world.

What I find even more amusing is the number of chiks who freak out over bugs but love dogs. Every year there are thousands of dog maulings and people actually killed from dog attacks. Meanwhile spiders go around eating the bugs that we don't want and that's what girls are afraid of. Women need to reevaluate their fears: Lassie is far more dangerous than Charlotte.

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