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I think my cat is suicidal. It doesn't fear things like a normal cat. When I lived with my mom, I remember how terrified her cat was from things as simple as the vacuum cleaner or Jehovah Witnesses. Unfortunately, pets aren't allowed in the complex I live in now (that cat still resides at my mom's house). But I do have a stray cat that's far more ballsy.

Cleo is a stray cat that's been hanging around my house for about a year. I feed her, pet her, and occasionally give her company. We've had a pretty good relationship for sometime now (although I really wish she would stop clawing at my screen door). But I've noticed over the past few months she's gotten a lot more aggressive--it's like she fears nothing. One could argue it's 'cause she grew up homeless and learned how to be tough. But she never displayed that behavior before--it's like all of the sudden she doesn't fear for her life. Maybe being homeless has drove her to suicide.

When I come home from work, I often find Cleo sitting in my driveway. Unlike most cats, she doesn't get out of the way when I pull in. Sometimes she casually strolls over to my front door to wait for food. But lately she just stands in my way--like she's daring me to hit her with my car.

The other day I noticed her sitting directly behind my car tire. Cats sitting under cars is nothing new (but I don't recall ever seeing one sit directly under a tire). I fired up the engine and was about to back out when I realized I hadn't see Cleo dart out. I got out of my car and took a look under the wheel. Sure enough, she was still there. Apparently the roar of my engine wasn't enough to scare her out from her comfortable location. Thank goodness I double-checked--if I backed up I woulda drove right over her.

But the real head-scratcher came a week ago when The Girlfriend discovered Cleo sleeping on the hood of her car. It was getting late and my gal had to leave, so she got in her car and turned on the engine. Not surprisingly, Cleo didn't move.

"Try honking your horn," I said. "Most small animals are frightened by loud noises." She tooted her horn without the slightest reaction from Cleo. "I guess that doesn't hold true for animals raised on the streets."

I didn't wanna shoo Cleo off because I know cats don't like to be disturbed. It's usually better if they do things on their own accord--when they think it's their idea (kinda like women). So The Girlfriend slowly started to back her car up--just fast enough for Cleo to see it was moving. Cleo raised her head and looked around. Most animals would be terrified by a loud, moving resting spot. But not my suicidal cat. She made a note of her surrounds and then gave me an evil stare--like I was somehow responsible for disturbing her sleep.

The truck backed up a good ten feet and Cleo should no sign of moving. The Girlfriend couldn't believe it (apparently cats aren't as tough in her neighborhood). At this point it was obvious Cleo wasn't moving. Apparently six cylinders and 300 horsepower weren't threatening enough for her to move (I hafta admire her laziness--I know what it feels like to not wanna get up, but usually imminent death is enough to motivate me). The Girlfriend wanted to go home and I didn't wanna hafta bury a cat, so I shooed Cleo off with a broom. Needless to say she was not happy.

I have never seen such a thing. Most of the time cats are terrified by cars. But not Cleo. She refuses to let a car alter her lifestyle--like she's gonna do what she wants and it's the car's responsibility to work around her (the similarities between cats and women are astonishing). She doesn't fear cars at all--which is probably bad for her health. The only explanation I can come up with is she's suicidal. There's a difference between toughness and stupidity--and even a cat is smart enough to know that the car will win every single time.

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