There are many times during my softball games when I take extra base that I shouldn't. A lot of the times, I should be hosed. The throw usually beats me by a mile and, theoretically, I should be out--but I rarely am. Usually the throw is offline or the tag is bad and I'm safe easily. It happened again tonight and the opposing third baseman said to me "If I got that throw down, you'd be out." I hear it all the time. The throw. The tag. If I did this you'd be out.

And that's exactly what I'm counting on.

This is rec league softball. If anyone was any good they wouldn't be here. I'm counting on an inaccurate throw. I prey on infielders who can't make the tag. I know the majority of players can't make that play and I take advantage of it (it's smarts like that that make me an effective ballplayer). If anyone could properly execute, I wouldn't be going.

What makes me chuckle is how the other team often pouts when I do it. They're always disappointed that they didn't get the out that they should have. They blame the umpire or themselves--but never give me any credit for the heads-up play. That's fine--I don't expect praise from the enemy. But it amuses me by how disappointed they are by what 'coulda been' when there really is no 'coulda been.' If I thought I wouldn't make it, I wouldn'tve went.

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Complimenting someone on their looks is always the way you can make anyone melt. Male or female. Old or young--it doesn't matter. Tell a gal she looks pretty and you'll make her day. Tell a guy he's cute and he'll try to nail you. Saying someone looks nice is like the nicest thing you could tell someone.

But it's really an empty compliment. Not because it's superficial but because it's irrelevant. For example, a lot of folks tell me I have nice eyes. And while I suppose I do enjoy the attention, it's not something I should be proud of. After all, what did I do to get my eyes? It's not like I had to work hard at it--my eye color was determined by my parents long before I ever even opened them. Yet it gets thrown out there like a compliment.

Think of all the nice things people say. "Your hair looks good!" Handiwork of the stylist. "That dress is so cute!" Courtesy of the designer who dreamt it. "Your tattoo is awesome!" Work of someone with esthetic talent (letting someone draw on you is not hard to do).

It's not just limited to your body. I've seen neighbors complimenting each other on their lawns when they should be thanking the Mexicans who actually mowed it. The yuppie who hangs paintings on his wall when the credit should really go to the stiff who painted it. Even the fools who say "You have a nice car." Credit the folks in Japan who designed it.

That's not so say I don't like hearing people say nice things to me. Well, maybe it is. I hate it when people like a t-shirt I'm wearing or a hairstyle I might have. It's not like I did anything to warrant that praise--I just paid for it. Thank the artists who saw their vision come true.

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