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I've noticed the MySpace blog seems to get the most hits when I post it under the "Romance and Relationship" category. So, I guess that means I should write more about relationships. Ugh--why couldn't I write about Shakespeare or the Bible instead (two other subjects I know little about)? What do I know about love? I know women are evil, men are pansies, and the key to great sex is to never do it with someone you like.

That's probably why I don't have my own advice column.

Most people don't realize this, but at best, you'll only have one successful relationship in your lifetime. No matter how cute he is or how big her knockers may be, the majority of relationships are going to end--most of the time, badly. I can't say I have fond memories of any of my ex-girlfriends (most of them fall in the "what the hell was I thinking" category). It's funny how much time and effort people put into finding a relationship. I know people whose only goal in life is to find a love. It seems like a lot of work to me for very little success.

Maybe it's just 'cause how my parents ended their marriage; maybe I've been jaded too often, but I just can't bring myself to believe in the concept of love. To me, love is a warm fuzzy feeling defined by Hallmark and encouraged by florists. I can't recall where I read it (so I guess it wasn't that credible), but the article claimed people tend to fall "out of love" a few years into a relationship. At that point, the love level plateaus and more than anything else, it's a friendship between man and woman.

I believe there might be a little bit of validity to that assessment. I mean, think about it: a relationship is at its most fun in the beginning--the 'getting to know you' stage. That's when you get the warm-fuzzies of meeting someone new learning about them. Emotionally, six days into a relationship is far more exciting than six months.

I think at six months, it's more of a stability factor than those giddy, butterfly feelings you have at the beginning. Love is about excitement--I think (educated guess by a pessimist). Friendships are stable. I don't get excited to hang out with Pedro at the pizzeria, but I certainly enjoy doing it. Same could be said about a Friday night date six months into a relationship--it doesn't come close to the excitement of a first date. If only I could find a way to enjoy sex with Pedro, I'd be a happy man.

Why does that sound gay?

But you get my point. A long-term relationship is just a friend you have sex with. Those lustful feelings that appear early in a relationship are gone. All that talk of soulmate and finding "the one" is preposterous because your relationship eventually whittles down to the "friends with benefits" concept. A friend with benefits is someone you'd never consider dating.

I don't know...I'll always be the first to admit I never know what the hell I'm writing about--I just wanted to get you to come out and read my blog.

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2006