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Someone once told me that if sex is a pain in the ass, you're probably doing it wrong. Now I know a few gay guys who would contest that statement but that's not what I'm here to talk about.

A co-worker saw me hobbling around at work today. I was limping with both legs and about as stiff as Bret Farve's acting in "There's Something About Mary." Being the ladies man I am, he asked if I was up all night with a girl.

"No, I had something better than sex--I had a softball game last night."

After he stopped laughing, I explained to him the similarities between softball and sex.

There are winners and losers--and someone always walks away disappointed.
The goal is to score as much as possible.
It's a good workout; you get extremely sweaty and wake up with aches you didn't know you had the night before.
Many older players use performance-enhancing drugs
Someone is always criticizing your performance, often with compliants of "You're doing it wrong."
If you're not careful, someone can get seriously hurt.
Drinking beer beforehand usually leads clumsiness and poor execution.
Base hits are nice, but nothing excites the crowd like taking it deep.
The fat guy rarely makes it to second base.
Helmet protection is optional, but highly recommended.