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I'm torn whenever I see a spider around my house. My mother always told me that I should never kill a spider (they're good to have on account of their propensity to eat other bugs). So is it a good thing when I find a spider? On the one hand, I want it killing bugs. On the other, its presence means I've got bugs somewhere--otherwise the spider would go someplace else to eat.

I had a really weird dream last night. I finally got my ideal job and was a Major League Baseball general manager. Unfortunately, I was GM of the infamous Red Sox. Making matters worse, Manny Ramirez was a free agent and I had to prevent him from jumping ship to my beloved Yankees.

We carefully constructed a wooing approach. We weren't gonna wow Manny with gifts, limo rides, and stuff like that. Since he already played for us, we were simply gonna talk to him and tell him how awful it is to play in New York. We even proclaimed that all suits were banned--we wanted to be as casual as possible.

I looked in my closet and discovered that all my t-shirts had a Yankee logos on them. It stressed me out until I found a shirt I could wear. I threw on a cap on to realize it was a Padres hat--not the best attire when representing the Boston Red Sox. Eventually I found suitable clothes.

And first Manny wanted nothing to do with me. I could tell I was losing him to the Yankees--and part of me was happy. It was obvious Manny didn't wanna play for Boston anymore. He was hurt and angry and I was okay if he left because it made the Yankees better.

But eventually I made progress and got Manny talking. I told him how awful it is to play in New York--a lot of people cave under the pressure. And look how adored he is in Boston. If he went to New York, he would be despised--the way Johnny Damon became the most hated person in Massachusetts since the Boston Strangler. I told him he'd lose his identity, the way Damon has--how he'd hafta cut his hair and become a corporate drone. How the Yankees never have any fun. That he couldn't be Manny if he went to the Bronx.

And slowly I got him to re-sign. I was proud of my accomplishment--a job well done. I woke up before the dream could progress any further.

My biggest issue: what the hell did that dream mean? Can it be that I'm a closet Red Sox fan (gasp!)? Or am I just a bigger sellout than I thought I was? Or maybe I was secretly working for the Yankees by giving Manny such a large contract that it'd handicap Boston for years? Or does it simply mean I don't get enough sleep?

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